Today is the public release of Ending Life: A Young Girl’s Journey Through Abortion, a deeply personal essay that I wrote in 2007. Initially, I wrote the piece to simply report, and not soapbox, on the pro-life or pro-choice movements. It is not intended to be a political statement, but a snapshot of my experience. It won acclaim through writing competitions, and even a national recognition. While I was grateful as an author, it was bittersweet as the young girl of 21, who murdered her child (that’s still how I feel, despite those who attempt to sway me with heartfelt pleas not to think of it that way).
I do not believe that my encounter at the chop shop, as I often refer to it, is any different than what many women endure outside of a hospital facilitated D&C. And while I was physically in that office, my heart was not. My decision to abort was made in haste, during an overpowering moment of grief, fear, and confusion. This is why self-forgiveness is so elusive. My heart did not want to end my child’s life, despite my actions. And a forced abortion, because it was, was never what I’d intended.
While I do not remember the rape itself (I was drugged and banged up), the trauma I experienced at the hands of my abortionist and his assistant, has resulted in life-long consequences. From PTSD to unending grief, I will forever be changed.
It’s true what they say:
“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice.”
Ending Life: A Young Girl’s Journey Through Abortion is available on Amazon.
2 thoughts on “Ending Life: A Young Girl’s Journey Through Abortion”
I have no words of comfort, sister. There aren’t any. Like you, I don’t feel I can ever forgive myself for what I did, over thirty years ago. At the time, I felt I had no other options…no choice but to make THAT CHOICE. The consequences of that choice are with me, always. It has changed my life, my views, and my beliefs, forever. All I can say…I wish you peace…✨
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In time, sister ❤