Today is the public release of Ending Life: A Young Girl’s Journey Through Abortion, a deeply personal essay that I wrote in 2007. Initially, I wrote the piece to simply report, and not soapbox, on the pro-life or pro-choice movements. It is not intended to be a political statement, but a snapshot of my experience. It won acclaim through writing competitions, and even a national recognition. While I was grateful as an author, it was bittersweet as the young girl of 21, who murdered her child (that’s still how I feel, despite those who attempt to sway me with heartfelt pleas not to think of it that way).
I do not believe that my encounter at the chop shop, as I often refer to it, is any different than what many women endure outside of a hospital facilitated D&C. And while I was physically in that office, my heart was not. My decision to abort was made in haste, during an overpowering moment of grief, fear, and confusion. This is why self-forgiveness is so elusive. My heart did not want to end my child’s life, despite my actions. And a forced abortion, because it was, was never what I’d intended.
While I do not remember the rape itself (I was drugged and banged up), the trauma I experienced at the hands of my abortionist and his assistant, has resulted in life-long consequences. From PTSD to unending grief, I will forever be changed.
It’s true what they say:
“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice.”
Ending Life: A Young Girl’s Journey Through Abortion is available on Amazon.